Teen & Adolescent Bereavement
“Should his heart break and the grief pour out, it would flow over the whole earth, it seems, and yet, no one sees it.”
~ Anton Chekhov
The teen years are already intense; you remember those years, don’t you? Mercy Care paved the way for children and teen bereavement long before any other area hospices. In fact, many area hospices have modeled their programs after us. Our Counseling Coordinator orchestrates group support sessions in area high schools and is available to help counsel teens if an emergency situation if an adolescent experiences the sudden death of a friend, teacher, parent, or other significant loved one.
The bereaved teen needs extra-special attention. Without the suffering of grief, teens are already going through many changes in their body, hormones, behavior, attachments, and feelings. As teens seek their own identity and the longing to breakaway from their parents, conflicts can arise within the family. Life becomes even more complicated and tense when a father, mother, friend, or other significant person dies—an experience one in ten teens face before the age of eighteen. People in all age groups struggle with such losses but teenagers face intensely painful adjustments following the death of a loved one.
Adults need to be aware of their own grief issues as their experiences impact the way they will relate to teens. Teens respond to adults who will be their “companions” on the grief journey, rather than trying to “direct it” using their own coping skills. Adults are sometimes surprised to notice that teenagers grieve differently than they do. Teens have an widespread range of emotions and physical reactions after someone dies. Adults who don’t expect this may underestimate the effect that a death can have on a teen.
According to The Prevention Researcher, there are six basic principles of grief:
Grieving is a natural reaction to a death.
Helping teens realize the sometimes overwhelming and frightening sense of “being out of control” with their grief and emotions is normal. Helping teens accept that grieving is normal and healthy allows them to progress through this journey.
Each grieving experience is unique.
No book or therapist can predict exactly how a teen will or should grieve a loss. Teens grieve for different lengths of time and express a wide array of emotions. Adults can help best by taking the role of the “listener”.
There is no “right” or “wrong” ways to grieve.
There is no correct way to grieve or a pattern or set of rules. Help a teen by making helpful and healthy suggestions, such as talking with trusted friends, journaling, creating art, and expressing emotions rather than holding it in.
Every death is unique and is experienced differently.
Teens grieve differently depending upon their personality and the relationship they had with the deceased. For many teens, relationships with their peers are primary. Teen responses to death may change day to day or even hour to hour. Unless the grieving process of teen is recognized, this fluctuation in reactions can generate tension and misunderstandings within the already stressed family.
The grieving process is influenced by many issues.
Issues such as available social support systems, circumstances of the death, whether or not the teen unexpectedly found the body, the nature of the relationship with the deceased, the teen’s level of involvement in the dying process, the emotional and developmental age of the teen, and the teen’s previous experiences with death.
Grief is ongoing.
Grief never ends, but it does change in character and intensity. The “never-ending, but changing” aspect of grief may be one of the least understood. Most people want teens to have “closure” and “put the death behind them” so that they can move on. Grief is not a disease that can be cured, but a process we learn to incorporate into our lives.
If you would like more information on our Teen Bereavement services, please contact:
- Tom Badurski, Director of Children’s Counseling & Special Projects
- Ph: 843-458-2513 | Fx: 843-347-5535
- tbadurski@mercyhospice.org